


Monsters and Men

by Aniimone



Category: Tokyo Ghoul
Genre: Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, Anal Sex, Angst, As expected of Tokyo Ghoul, BDSM, Cohabitation, Domestic scenes too, Fluff and Smut, Gouls, Happy Ending, Hurt/Comfort, M/M, hidekane, kanehide - Freeform, ooc moments
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-02-22
Updated: 2017-06-04
Packaged: 2018-09-26 07:13:59
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 16
Words: 17,233
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/9872990
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Aniimone/pseuds/Aniimone
Summary: Ken Kaneki, also known as the Eyepatch ghoul, allowed himself to be taken into custody after his best friend Hide found him and supposedly died in his arms. After rotting in the ghoul prison Cochlea for a time, Hide comes to visit, claiming that he was almost dead but that Kaneki saved him. There are plans for some ghouls to be given court trials to determine if they don't pose a threat to society, and can therefore rejoin it. Kaneki's name is on the list.





	1. Talk

**Author's Note:**

> I hope you like this! I'll update every Wednesday.

"Let's go home, Kaneki," Hide had said.

Then he'd collapsed in my arms. I thought he was dead. He was the only thing I had left in the world, so I pulled him out of the fire at Anteiku and surrendered myself to the CCG. I trusted them to take care of Hide's body. They captured me, and locked me away in Cochlea.

I've been here, rotting in my cell, ever since.

I am the double S rated ghoul Eyepatch, also known as Ken Kaneki. I haven't seen sunlight since I arrived. They feed us, the prisoners, human meat. It's the only thing we can eat.

I don't remember how long I've been here. A month? Half a year? Something in between that. I've never had a visitor.

That is, until today.

~+~+~+~+~

The cell door starts sliding up, and light begins to pour into my cell. I squint and shield my eyes, sitting cross-legged on my bed.

Is it meal time already? No, the three men outside the door aren't the meal guards. They have handcuffs.

"If you release your Kagune, ghoul, we will kill you," the middle guard tells me.

I stare at him, my eyes finally adjusting to the light.

"Where are you taking me?" I ask. My voice is hoarse from disuse.

"You've got a visitor. Heaven knows why," the guard on the left says.

My eyes fly open and I stare at him.

"Come on, don't keep him waiting, he had to fight pretty hard to get clearance to visit you, the damn civilian," the middle guard states.

I stand, and allow the guard on the right to secure the handcuffs and manacles. The three of them circle around me, the beefy middle guard in front of me. The other two stand behind me, holding chains connected to the handcuffs and manacles.

They take me to the visitor room, a wall of thick glass partitioning off the real world. On the other side, is…

Hide.

I gasp as the guards tug me forward by my restraints.

"Come on, ghoul, don't just stand there," the middle guard growls.

"Hide," I whisper, taking a seat.

"Hey there, Kaneki," he replies with a faint smile and a little wave.

"What are you-? You're alive? How? I thought you died! I thought..."

"Hey, it's okay. My injury was pretty nasty, but I managed to live. I was pretty confused when I woke up in the hospital. The last thing I remembered was sitting with you in Anteiku, drinking that god awful coffee I made," Hide claims, chuckling at the end.

I don't reply. I still just sit there, staring.

"Did you think it was your fault? That I was injured?" Hide asks me quietly.

I nod.

"It wasn't. I shouldn't have tried to help in the fight. I wasn't even supposed to be out there, you know," Hide tells me. "I'm an idiot. I thought that you'd be happy to see me. I guess I was wrong."

He stands and turns to leave.

"I thought you died. All this time, I thought-- but here you are. Thank god," I murmur.

Hide turns, and the guards look at me quizzically.

"You knew I was a ghoul, huh? When did you figure it out?" I ask Hide, with a slight smile on my face for the first time in months.

He grins back at me and sits back down.

"I knew something was off after that accident with that girl, Rize or whatever," he admits.

I nod.

"Then I did some research on ghouls and stuff. I wasn't really unconscious when Nishio beat me up. You scared the shit out of me when you attacked him, I'll give you that," Hide laughs.

My smile widens. Then it disappears.

"So you don't care? I've killed people, Hide. I hate myself for it sometimes, but I have," I tell him.

"You needed to eat," Hide states with a shrug.

I shake my head and look down again.

"I didn't usually kill just for food," I admit.

"I know," Hide states, his smile gone, too. "Why did you join Aogiri, Kaneki?"

"I had to become stronger. I needed to protect Anteiku from the CCG. I had to protect you, and Touka. I couldn’t just be a hindrance anymore, someone barely clinging to both worlds. And I failed, I failed everyone and now--!" I tell him. "And now, here I am. Realizing that you're not dead. Did anyone else make it out in time?"

"It must have been hard for you. To be stuck here, not knowing. Touka's still alive; she's opened her own coffee shop. Nishio hasn't been around since that night. I don't know what happened to him. I don't know who else you were friends with, so I can't tell you if anyone else you knew if okay," Hide says.

"Nishio left town," I remember. "He told me he was going to."

"Oh. Okay. But you know? You don't always have to act like the hero, Kaneki. You can let other people do it for you, sometimes," Hide tells me.

He stands up and starts to leave. I jolt up in the chair to watch him go. He turns by the doorway.

"There's talk about giving some ghouls a second chance through court trials, this week; letting them rejoin society if they can prove to be different than they used to be. From what I hear, your name's made its way onto the roster," Hide claims.

My eyes fill with hope.

"I'll come see you when I can," he tells me, waving over his shoulder as he goes.

"Come on," one of the guard's orders me.

Smiling, I stand and let them lead me back to my cell.

"Are they really going to give some ghouls a second chance?" I ask them.

"I wouldn't get your hopes up," the big middle guard tells me while the other two laugh. "You're a murderer, remember? Who's going to stand up for you in court, huh?"

They lock me back in my cell after taking off the restraints.

We'll see what happens to me.


	2. Trial

Hide keeps his promise. He visits every Saturday. On the second visit, he tells me how long I've been imprisoned.

"Hey there, Kaneki. You look better than you did last week," Hide tells me.

"It's been a week?" I ask.

"Yeah! Two and a half, actually. Wait, do you know how long you've been here?" Hide questions.

I shake my head.

"Wow. Okay, it's been a little more than four and a half months," he says.

"It has?" I ask incredulously.

"Yep! Oh, and hey, the first ghoul trial has been scheduled," Hide tells me. "It's set for this Wednesday. I think yours is fourth, but I'll tell you how this one goes so you can get an idea of what they're about. I'm not set to be in the jury, but I know someone who is."

"Thanks," I respond. "So how's school been?"

~+~+~+~+~

The next time Hide visits, he's smiling.

"Kaneki!" he shouts when he sees me sit down.

I smile back at him.

"Hey," I reply.

"The trial went really well! It was Nishio's. Touka, my friend, and Nishio’s girlfriend all testified for him. He got to walk free!" Hide tells me. Then his grin fades. "But a lot of people aren't very happy with the fact that ghouls are being released. Even though the CCG provides meat for them now, people are still afraid of being attacked. The meat the CCG gives out is supposed to be from donors from accidents and stuff. Apparently, there are some cases where people are throwing out death threats at known ghouls. I'm sorry, Kaneki, but I'm afraid your trail might get an even worse reaction, because of what you did. At least Touka, Nishio, and I are going to be at yours."

"I understand. It's not surprising," I tell him despondently.

"Yeah. I just hope no one actually tries anything," Hide says, leaning back in his chair with his hands on his knees.

I nod.

~+~+~+~+~

As the day of my trial draws nearer, Hide bringing me news every week. Finally, the guards come to get me for it. They hand me an ill-fitting suit with a pair of shined brown shoes and tell me they were a gift from Hide. I smell them and realize they still smell like him. They must’ve been his.

"It's your time to shine, Eyepatch," the middle guard tells me solemnly.

I nod and stand. They let me change, then secure the restraints. I take a deep breath and sigh before being led out of my cell and into an armored van. I'm taken to a courthouse. When I'm brought inside, I watch my feet on the floor instead of the watchful and suspicious gazes of the others in the room. The loose suit I'm wearing stands out like a sore thumb in a sea of tucked-in shirts and elegant dresses. They fed me that morning.

The judge enters and everyone stands. After she sits down, we follow.

"The defendant is Ken Kaneki, a.k.a. the Eyepatch ghoul. We are here to decide whether he will remain in custody, or be found sane enough to re-enter society. Mister Kaneki, how do you plead?" the judge asks.

"Sane," I answer. That's what Hide told me the others had said.

A lawyer stands and asks the judge for permission to take over. She grants it.

"You have, under the alias 'Eyepatch,' killed multiple humans and ghouls alike for purposes excluding that of nutrition?" the lawyer inquires.

"I have," I admit.

"Why?"

"Those were my orders from Aogiri," I respond.

"All of the times you harmed others?" the lawyer inquires. "What you did to the ghoul Jason?"

"He tortured me. I was defending myself," I admit.

"And how did he torture you?" he asks.

Suddenly the handcuffs and manacles are all too familiar, and I start to feel panic rise inside me as I remember. I start shaking, still watching the floor intently, and start counting backwards from 1000 in increments of seven to try to calm myself. A guard rushes over and takes ahold of my shoulders, forcing me to look up. My left eye has turned red.

"Kaneki, are you alright?" the guard asks.

"965, minus seven-" I gasp.

Suddenly, I'm back.

"I'm sorry," I reply, staring at my toes fearfully.

That can't have looked good. And the jury is muttering.

"What happened just now?" the judge asks me.

"Panic attack," I answer. "Jason wore a hockey mask as he would cut off my toes and my fingers repeatedly. He kept me handcuffed in a chair, not dissimilar to how I am right now. As soon as they regenerated, he'd do it again. He made me count backwards from 1000 so that I would keep my mind. He killed two people in front of me on the last day, and put a live centipede in my ear."

The jury is staring at me in horror.

"I see," the lawyer replies quietly. "Would you say you regret your actions as Eyepatch?"

"Yes," I exclaim. "All I wanted was to me strong enough to defend and protect my friends."

The lawyer nods, thanks me, and turns to the judge. He tells her that is all, and she nods once. He sits down.

"I ask the jury to convene. This young man’s fate shall be decided by a majority vote," the judge states.

Everyone stands and leaves, except me. I notice how the jury's gazes all land on me for a moment before they exit the room, their expressions pitying.

~+~+~+~+~

"That ghoul isn't sane! He's crazy, and probably lying about regretting his actions! He's just another heartless monster!" a large woman tells the rest of the jury in a side room.

"I don't agree," a CCG detective says.

"Not to mention how anguished he sounded as he spoke," a middle-aged man adds with a shiver. "I didn't know ghouls could feel emotions like that."

“He’s just another insane ghoul,” someone claims.

"He may be insane, but I don't think he wanted to kill anyone," Touka states. "Did you see the look in his eyes?"

"Yeah, it scared the crap out of me," someone replies, making a few others laugh nervously.

"Anyone would be driven mad by what he described that Jason fellow having done to him," someone with an English accent says.

The rest of the room nods and murmurs their agreement.

"I say he's fine," Hide says, putting his hand up in the air. "Not sane, but fine."

"Alright. Those of us who think Ken Kaneki should remain in prison, go to that side of the room," a dark-skinned woman instructs, pointing. "Those of us who find him to not pose a threat to society, go over there."

Most of the room walks over to the latter side.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Okay. I'll update every Wednesday. Thanks for reading, and please comment!


	3. Release

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> After Kaneki is decided not a danger to society, he leaves Cochlea and moves in with Hide.

"Ken Kaneki, you are hereby released from confinement in Cochlea, and may re-enter society, receiving your meals from the CCG," the judge says, pounding a gavel on the desk in front of her. "This trial is adjourned."

The jury stands. Hide, Nishio, and Touka look at my hopeful expression, beaming at me before they go.

I smile back at them weakly, relieved but suddenly scared. What am I supposed to do now? The guards remove my restraints and ask me to come with them back to the prison to collect my belongings.

I change into my old all black outfit. My mask is with the rest of my things in a box, but I take it and shove it into my pocket. I pick up the box and start the walk outside.

I exit the prison, the sunlight temporarily blinding me.

"Hey there, Kaneki. Need a lift?" Hide asks me.

He's standing nearby, leaning on a car.

"Thanks," I respond gratefully.

~+~+~+~+~

"1000 minus seven, huh?" Hide asks as we drive, to break the silence that’s been between us the last fifteen minutes..

I look at my best friend. He's the one person who has always been there for me, no matter what. Even when he found out that I’m a ghoul.

"Yeah," I respond.

The silence settles between us again, prompting me to look out the window again.

"How did you escape?" Hide asks me.

I look over at him again.

"I don't know," I lie, scratching my chin.

He watches me out of the corner of his eye.

"You do," he replies.

"Fine," I sigh. "I think there was a moment when I lost most of my humanity. I got this hair then, too. I attacked him. I left him alive and joined Aogiri. Someone from the CCG finished the job, I heard."

I tug on a few strands of my stark white hair.

He nods slowly, frowning.

"Kaneki, I- I have something to tell you," Hide says.

I watch him carefully.

"What is it?" I inquire.

"Kaneki, I'm gay," Hide tells me.

I smirk at him. He doesn’t see.

"I mean, I'm pretty sure. I used to pretend I was interested in women, but then I kissed a few girls a couple of months ago at a party, and it just didn't feel right. But with the guys…" Hide claims.

We pull up to a stoplight.

I grin at him and punch him on the arm lightly.

"Good for you!" I tell him.

"Ow! That hurt!" Hide scowls, rubbing his arm.

The light turns green and we keep going.

I stop smiling and look at my hand. That was about as gentle a punch as I can give.

"Sorry, I was used to hitting ghouls. I guess they're tougher than humans," I admit.

I have been working out in my cell too, doing push ups and such.

"You say that like you're not either," Hide remarks quietly.

"I'm both," I admit with a small smile.

"So I'm going to assume you aren't going back to school?" Hide says.

"Probably not. Even if I do, what use would it be? No one will hire a ghoul, no matter how many college degrees they've got," I tell him, watching trees pass outside the window. “Who can pay for it, anyway?”

"Yeah, well, maybe you're right. You won't know unless you try though, will you?" Hide claims. "Besides, why not have the experience? I've been all alone in Asian History since you went missing, you know. And hey! You should join some clubs! Get to know people! Otherwise you'll just have me and Touka."

"What's wrong with that?" I ask.

"Come on, dude. Come back to school. I've missed you. We can just tell those bigoted assholes who don't trust you to go screw themselves!" Hide says.

I chuckle.

"Why are you doing this for me? At the end of the day, I'm still a ghoul. I still have to eat human flesh to survive. How messed up is that? It's cannibalism, Hide. I'm a cannibal," I remind him.

He doesn't say anything for a moment.

"I know, but you're also still Ken Kaneki, my best friend. I don't care what you've become, as long as you only eat what the CCG gives you. Come on, man. A few minutes ago, you were all, 'Good for you!' when I came out to you," Hide states.

"Yeah," I respond, resting my head on my hand with my elbow propped on the window that I've been staring out of.

"Kaneki, please come back to school with me," Hide begs me, parking the car in front of his apartment.

He turns to look at me, still wearing his suit from the trial.

I meet his pleading gaze.

"Okay," I reply.

"Awesome! Let's get you upstairs," he exclaims.

~+~+~+~+~

We get me registered into Kanii again. Thankfully, I don't have to retake the entrance exams. The college admin staff act really accepting and open mindedly towards me, for the most part. It surprises me. After all, I used to be Eyepatch ghoul.

In fact, around campus, I've become a kind of local celebrity. Hide tells me that girls are always coming up to him, asking about me. He tells me I ought to do an interview someday.

"I doubt any reporter would want my story," I respond.

"Sure they will! Just you wait, before long, you'll have tons of people wanting to talk to you," Hide says.

We're drinking coffee in front of the cafeteria. My regular clothing style has become ripped skinny jeans and loose shirts with black Converse.

A young woman walks up to us, holding a notebook and pushing her horn rimmed glasses up on the bridge of her nose.

"Hello, Mister Kaneki?" she asks.

I look at her and say hello back, although hesitantly.

"I'm Joline Franklin, reporter from Tokyo Times? I'd like to have an interview with you," she says.

"Ha! Told you!" Hide teases me.

I kick his shin under the table, and calmly turn to look at her as he winces.

"Sure, when would you like one?" I ask.

"Is Saturday at 1 o'clock okay, at that ':re' coffee shop?" Joline inquires.

"Sure. I'll see you then," I respond calmly.

She bows slightly and walks away.

I go back to my coffee.

"So, think she's cute?" Hide asks quietly, leaning in close.

His question almost makes me choke on the coffee I was drinking.

"Are you insane? Stop it! Of course not!" I whisper back, giving him a fake offended look.

"Kaneki," Hide says calmly. "Remember how the jury was supposed to decide if you were sane enough to reenter society?"

"How could I forget?"

"Well, I said you weren't sane, but that you didn't pose a threat," Hide admits.

I watch him.

"Your point is?" I ask.

"You're the insane one."

I give him another under-the-table shin kick.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I hope you liked this chapter. I'll update next Wednesday.


	4. Interview

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Kaneki's interview with a reporter goes well.

"Good afternoon, Mister Kaneki," Joline tells me as I take a seat across from her.

"Hello," I respond.

"Welcome, may I take your order?" a familiar voice asks.

I turn.

"Touka!" I exclaim.

"Hello, Kaneki. Am I to assume you still drink the same thing you used to?" she asks me.

"Um, yeah," I respond nervously.

"Alright," she says, writing in her notebook. "And what about you, miss?"

"Oh, I'll have a large iced coffee. Do you two know each other?" Joline asks.

"Old friends," I say.

Touka grits her teeth.

"I'm sorry," she whispers just so I can barely hear her, standing directly beside her. "I didn't understand why you left Anteiku at first. I should've known you did it for the best. I'll get your drinks."

Touka rushes off.

"So, let's start our interview now," Joline says.

She pulls out an audio recorder and sets it on the table between us.

"What is Anteiku?"

"It was an organization in the 20th ward that regulated and helped ghouls," I answer.

"Is it true that you joined the violent military ghoul gang, Aogiri?" Joline questions.

"It is."

"Why?"

"I had to become stronger," I respond.

"I see. And, why did you need to do that?" she asks.

"To protect my friends," I say.

"From?"

"The CCG and Aogiri, mainly," I answer.

"Have you heard anything from any specific investigators, or from Aogiri members?"

"Not yet."

"Why do you think that is?"

"I have no idea. Maybe they just don't want anything to do with me anymore."

"I heard that you were close to a certain investigator. Perhaps close isn't the best term to use, but you knew him. Do you think he has any opinion about your release?" Joline questions.

"I don't know. I think he's probably wondering about me, but I don't think he's going to contact me."

"I see," Joline replies. "Did you tell you best friend, Hideyoshi Nagachika, that you were a ghoul? Or did he figure it out?"

"He found out on his own. I tried to hide it from him, but…"

"I understand. So, did he confront you about it?" Joline asks.

Touka drops off our drinks and we thank her.

"I wouldn't say he confronted me; more like, approached me. He saved my life," I admit.

"How long has he known you?"

"Since elementary school," I tell her.

"Is it true that both of your parents died when you were young?" she asks.

"Yes."

"And that you were tortured at my hands of a ghoul named Jason?"

"Yes."

"I'm sorry to hear that. Can you tell me if you've ever considered killing anyone, since you were let out?" Joline inquires.

"I haven't," I claim.

"I hear that some released ghouls are being threatened. Has that happened to you?"

"Of course it has," I respond. "Even some of the other ghouls have threatened me."

"Why's that?"

"The humans are scared, and the ghouls usually want revenge."

"You speak as though you aren't either," she remarks.

"Well, I'm both," I tell her.

"What do you mean by that?"

"About a year ago - it feels longer than that - I was still human. This girl, Rize, and I went out on a date. Turns out she was a ghoul, and an accident happened while she was attacking me. Her organs were transplanted into me, and I survived, but as part-ghoul," I explain.

"Really? So if a ghoul's organs are put in a human, the human can become a ghoul?" Joline asks me.

"Yeah," I respond.

The interview drags on a while longer. At the end of it, after Touka takes our drinks and Joline pays, she decides that she has enough information.

"Thank you, Kaneki. It's been a pleasure," Joline says, standing and shaking my hand.

She hands me some money and walks away.

I watch her go, and soon leave as well after waving goodbye to Touka..

~+~+~+~+~

"So, how'd it go?" Hide asks me when I get home. "Did you ask her out on a second date?"

"No, Hide. How's studying for that test been?" I retort.

"Great, actually, thanks for asking!" Hide says.

I laugh and walk into my room to change, since I dressed up a little for the interview. I don’t close the door all the way.

"Hey Kaneki, can I talk to you?" Hide calls.

"Yeah, sure, what's up?" I ask from the other room as I unbutton my shirt.

"Listen, you know how I told you I knew I was gay? Like, that story about the party and stuff?" Hide questions.

"Yeah," I say, coming back into the main room while pulling on a fresh tank top.

"Damn, this is hard to tell you. Listen, it wasn't just the party that clued me in on it. When you stopped talking to me, and when you went missing… Kaneki, I really like you," Hide says.

I stare at him, shocked.

"Come on, man, close your mouth; you look like a fish!" Hide jokes, but I hear the nervousness under his tone.

"You- you LIKE-like me?" I ask.

"Yeah," Hide replies, anxiety displayed in his expression.

Once I get over myself, I lean forward and touch his chin, tilting it up. I press our lips together in a clumsy kiss, but it feels more right than wrong. 

I pull away, and Hide exhales.

"Does that mean-?"

"That I like you back? Yeah, it does," I tell him, smiling, before taking his hand and leading him to my room.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Updates are switching to Thursday mornings. Thank you for reading.


	5. Aftermath

I open my eyes slowly in the morning. The sunlight is streaming through the cracks in the blinds. I look over at Hide; he's sleeping peacefully beside me. My nightmares have gotten better since Hide first visited me in Cochlea. Now that he let me crash at his place, I rarely have any.

Good thing, too. My nightmares often end up with me releasing my kagune.

After a few minutes, I reach out a hand and stroke the side of Hide's face. He starts to stir, so I pull my hand back. His eyes open, and they focus on me.

"G'morning," he sighs.

"Hey, good morning," I whisper back.

"I had fun last night," Hide tells me.

"Me too."

"I'm curious, though; was this just a one-time thing, or are we like - together now?" Hide asks.

My smile fades.

"What do you want?" I question.

"If it's alright with you, I kind of want to be together," Hide states.

My smile returns, and I kiss the tip of Hide's nose.

"Okay," I respond.

"Really? So, like, we can go on dates? And do couple things?" Hide inquires with wide eyes.

"Yeah," I reply.

"Awesome," Hide says.

"So what do you want to do today?" I ask him.

"We're supposed to go to a meeting for the school festival committee. Oh, that's right, this is going to be the first time they actually meet you," Hide tells me.

"When is that, again?" I inquire.

"Twelve thirty," Hide explains.

"We should shower and get dressed, then. It's almost ten forty," I say, reading the time off a clock on my bedside table.

We slip out of bed and shyly shower together. We have to compromise on water temperature, and take turns under the water. After we dry off, we get dressed, and comb our hair.

For breakfast, Hide makes himself a bowl of cereal. I've got my first package from the CCG that I've been putting off eating, since Hide is always around. The knowledge of what will happen if I get too hungry while I'm out prompts me to grab the small, brown package out of the freezer. I put it on a plate and defrost it in the microwave, aware of Hide's eyes of the back of my head. I take out the plate when the meat is defrosted, and turn to hide, looking nervous.

"Hide, I have to eat, or I could attack someone today," I tell him, holding the warm plate.

"Okay, sit down," he tells me calmly.

"A ghoul eating isn't a pretty sight," I admit, grabbing a steak knife and a fork and sitting down across from Hide.

"I believe you. But you have to eat that, so I'm just going to pretend that it's steak," Hide claims.

I laugh anxiously, but unwrap the package. Hide stares at the raw meat for a second before looking back at his bowl of cereal, looking a bit sick. I notice that he's eating much slower. Almost as if he's forcing down the last bites.

I tentatively cut a piece of the meat and put it in my mouth.

The taste of the meat makes my eye turn red, which I know Hide notices.

I take a few more bites, and before too long I've finished my meal. Hide does, too. We both rinse off our dishes in the sink and put them in the dishwasher.

"So what does your food taste like?" Hide asks me quietly.

"Meat," I answer. “With a kind of sweet after-taste.”

"Does it taste good to you?"

"It does," I respond honestly, avoiding eye-contact.

"And what does regular food taste like, now? You're still part human, right?" Hide asks.

"Yes, but when it comes to that I'm a ghoul. It tastes terrible. I'll throw up if I eat it," I admit.

"Oh. Hey Kaneki?" Hide asks.

"Yeah?"

"What's your kagune like?"

"My kagune? Maybe you'll see, someday. I hope you don’t," I reply. "Come on, we should get going."

I throw on a thin, dark grey hoodie and my regular black shoes and we're off.

~+~+~+~+~

"Woah, Nagachika's nerdy friend is the Eyepatch ghoul?" someone says beyond the door into the meeting room.

"Yeah, and I heard that Nagachika's bringing the guy to this meeting," someone else says.

"Really? I'm kind of terrified. What if he tries to kill us?" a new voice asks.

"The judge wouldn't have let him go if he is still dangerous," the second voice states.

"What's his name? Kaneki something?" the first voice question.

Smirking, I open the door ahead of Hide.

"Good afternoon," I greet.

"Who're you? This is the school festival committee meeting, not rock band practice," a guy calls.

"Oh, hey guys!" Hide says, walking in and slinging an arm around my shoulder.

I'm still smirking, waiting for the punchline to drop.

"This is my friend Kaneki! I told you he was coming, right?" Hide tells the group of students.

A few jaws drop, which just makes my smile widen.

I wave innocently.

"You're Ken Kaneki?" the first guy from earlier asks.

"Yep. Nice to meet you," I respond.

"You really used to be the Eyepatch ghoul?!" a girl asks excitedly.

I nod hesitantly.

"Hey, we're here to plan the next fundraising event, not chit-chat," a guy reminds everyone.

We all take our seats and the meeting begins.

~+~+~+~+~

"That wasn't as bad as I expected," I admit to Hide on the way back. "Those people are pretty nice."

"See? You need to get to know people, and clubs are the perfect way to do it!" Hide tells me.

I nod.

"Can we stop for coffee on the way back? I want to talk to Touka," I say.

"Yeah, whatever you want, man," Hide responds.

We walk over to Touka's shop, and she waves at us when we enter. I take a look around and notice that the shop is mainly filled with ghouls. I lead Hide up to the counter, where Touka is working.

"Hey Kaneki," she greets.

"Hi," I reply. "I didn't really get to talk to you yesterday."

"Yeah. Hold on a second, let me go drop off this order," she says, leaving with two coffee cups on a tray.

When she comes back, she's smiling.

"So, how's society been to you?" she asks.

I laugh.

"Better than Cochlea. Sunlight is nice," I respond.

"Oh? You're Ken Kaneki," a girl coming out of the kitchen with a sandwich on a plate remarks.

"Yes."

"This is my friend, Yoriko," Touka introduces.

"Nice to meet you," I say, extending my hand for a handshake. "That's my boyfriend, Hide."

Touka startles and stares at me.

"B-boyfriend?" she exclaims.

Smiling, I take Hide's hand.

"You're gay?" Touka whispers.

"Well, bisexual, actually," I reply casually.

"Wait, I've seen you before," Yoriko tells me. She gasps. "That's right! For a while, I thought you were Touka's boyfriend!"

"I told you, it wasn't like that!" Touka growls at her.

Hide and I laugh.

"So, this is a nice place," I remark.

"Thanks," Touka says. "It's pretty much the new Anteiku."

"Really? Great. Hey, I haven't seen Enji or Irimi around since the evacuation of the 20th ward. Are they okay?" I ask.

"Yeah, they're fine. It's actually their lunch break right now," Touka tells me.

The door to the kitchen bursts open suddenly.

"Speak of the devil," Touka mutters.

In strides Enji, followed closely my Irimi.

"Kaneki!" Enji calls. "You're back! I hope you're looking for a job, because we could use an extra hand or two around here, sometimes."

"Nice to see you, too," I laugh, as he slugs me on the shoulder.

"Actually, would you like a job?" Touka asks.

"Sure?" I respond.

"How about you, Hide?" Touka inquires.

"Oh, yeah, okay!" he replies.

"Great! You two can start tomorrow, after school."

Hide and I help out every afternoon from then on.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Updates on Thursdays! Thanks for reading! I'm on tumblr too, at queeniesarmada (fandoms) or nasa-boi (my main).


	6. Collapse

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I know this chapter's pretty short, but I am updating a day early to compensate. I hope you enjoy!

The committee had decided to do a fair on Valentine's day. As February draws nearer, the club gets money together and makes arrangements for carnival rides and such. If all goes according to plan, the fair should raise $150 dollars more than is going to be spent.

On February 13th, the Valentine's day fair opens. People stream in.

Hide, the rest of the festival committee members, and myself, are staff. Some of us have been appointed to be on guard duty. I am one of these. Others have taken to giving out maps and answering questions. A few have odd jobs, like messenger or janitor.

The first day goes well. There aren't any problems, and more people attend than was estimated.

The second day, Valentine's day itself, Hide and I meet up on our lunch break. He smiles when he sees me approaching him. We grab hot dogs, and sit down close to the Ferris wheel. It wasn't a very expensive one, and it looks a little bit rickety, but it seems fine. There are people on it, at least.

About halfway through our lunch break, the Ferris wheel stops moving for longer than it should. Another committee member jogs over to us and explains that the Ferris wheel is jammed.

"Have you called the fire department?" I ask.

"Yeah, they're on their way."

"Good. Then all we can do is wait," I respond.

The guy nods.

After a few minutes though, the Ferris wheel starts groaning and creaking. It looks like it's swaying in the wind, but the worrying part is that there isn't any wind.

As it starts listing in the direction of Hide and myself, I stand up and race towards the base of the Ferris wheel. My goal is to steady it.

I soon realize I won't be able to get there in time, and I wouldn't even be able to do anything without my kagune. I could release it and save their lives, but risk getting thrown back in Cochlea. Or, I could stand here and get crushed, and let a lot of others get hurt as well. Option one it is.

I feel bubbles on my back, before the long tendrils of my rinkaku expand and throw me upwards. People are screaming, but I ignore them as I press the side of the ferris wheel hard. It stops falling, but I can't hold it with just my arms. I release my second type of kagune, my kakuja. It's agonizing and I start to scream, but I can tell it's working. I use it to help me push the Ferris wheel back into place, and suddenly I remember how many people must be watching.

The Ferris wheel is balancing precariously, but I manage to stabilize it enough to be manageable. Before too long, the fire trucks arrive, and help bring the passengers down.

"Ghoul, can you hold onto it for a little longer?" someone asks from the ground.

"Yeah," I growl back.

They probably can't hear me, but I'm still holding on anyway.

"We're going to secure it! We'll tell you when you can let it go," the man explains.

I nod.

After another few moments I hear drilling and metal clangs down near the ground. A few minutes later, the man tells me to let the Ferris wheel go. I let my kagune shrink until I'm touching the ground. I land gracefully. A draft on my back alerts me of the fact that my kagune ripped my shirt.

"Thank you. You saved lots of lives, today," a fireman tells me. It's the guy who was yelling. "What's your name?"

"Ken Kaneki," I introduce.

"Well, I'll be damned. I must say that I doubted the judge's decision in letting you go, but obviously it was the right one. It was an honor to meet you, Eyepatch," the fireman says.

I smile; that was the first time a human mentioned my code name with respect.

Due to the incident, the Ferris wheel gets shut down for the rest of the day. Hide and I are sent home. We leave, and start walking back to our apartment. Hide entwines our fingers along the way.

Inside the door, I kiss Hide on the cheek. He smiles at me.

"It's Valentine's Day," he remarks.

I roll my eyes and lean into him.

"You're not even going to try a pickup line?" I ask.

He laughs.

"Nope," he whispers in my ear.

Hide starts to trail kisses down my neck, over to my collar bone. He pulls my shirt off to kiss the top of my chest. Our clothed erections are rubbing together. Suddenly, Hide bites the muscle between my shoulder and neck.

I gasp, and feel my eye shift. I look at Hide, and he grins like a bastard.


	7. Ghouled

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> WARNING: BDSM/Smut  
> OOC moments

"We've never done it while you're all ghouled out," Hide murmurs, his tone crossing the line from sexy to giddy.

"Yeah, well that's because I don't want to hurt you. Usually, I switch when we climax though," I point out, my lips brushing the side of his face. "I'm roughest then."

"Ever considered that I might like it rough?" Hide whispers in my ear, before going back to kissing and suckling my neck.

"If I hurt you more than you like, what are you going to say to stop me?" I ask in a groan.

"Cabbage?" Hide suggests.

"Mm, I don't know. I could easily mistake that for a scream of ecstasy," I murmur.

He chuckles against my skin.

"Stewed cabbage?" he asks.

"Okay," I give. "But I'm going to warn you, I might end up using my kagune and I don't want you to be alarmed. I ate a couple of days ago, so you should be fine, but you know. It's always dangerous with me."

"I know, Kaneki. And I still want you to restrain me and fuck me senseless," Hide says.

"Are you sure?" I whisper, pinning his hands up on the wall suddenly.

"Oh god, yes," Hide breathes, giving me complete control.

I smirk at him and kiss him roughly before leading him over to the bedroom. I slam Hide down on the bed, leaving him there just long enough to close the door. Hide and I wriggle out of the rest of our clothes, and leave them strewn across the floor. I crawl onto the bed and on top of Hide.

The window is open, but the blinds are closed. Even if people hear us, it isn't like anyone on around very much. College students have their fun with open windows often enough that anyone who cares enough has bought earplugs.

"Kaneki," Hide breathes beneath me, as I tease and bite his neck and torso.

"Calling my name already?" I whisper back, before continuing to try to leave a hickey under Hide's jaw.

"Mm, yeah, but I was wondering if you kept your Eyepatch mask?" Hide responds.

"Mm. Why is that important?" I murmur.

"Would you mind wearing tonight?" Hide breathes.

I shake my head before I stand and walk over to the closet. I reach back, up in the corner of the top shelf, and pull my old mask down.

"You do know what this represented, right?" I ask Hide, holding it up.

He nods.

"You want me to wear it anyway?" I question.

"Yeah," Hide says.

I shrug and put on the mask. I keep the mouth zipped, and move back onto Hide with my hands.

He groans deeply as I slide one hand south and start to tease him there.

"Kaneki," Hide moans, when I finally start pumping him slowly.

He arches his back and grabs ahold of the sheets. I unzip the mouth of my mask and slowly release my rinkaku. I use them to restrain Hide by grabbing his arms and legs. I try hard to balance the texture between soft and strong enough to hold him.

"K-Kaneki," Hide groans as I pull his limbs a little towards the corners of the bed.

I keep his legs fairly loose, as I lean down and kiss him lower, and lower, and lower. I skip over the patch of dark hair and lick the tip. Gradually, I bob my head down. The mask's zipper brushes Hide's shaft, but he doesn't seem to mind. Right when he says that he's about to finish, I pull back and switch his position. I press his hands against the bed and pull his legs up by his thighs.

Hide gasps as I slip a lubricated finger inside him. I soon add a second, then a third, and find his prostate. Finally, I pull out my fingers and line myself up. I slam into him, and Hide screams my name with a stutter on the "K".

I grunt, pull out most of the way, and slam back in. I start to lose myself in the sensation and rest for a moment on my knees.

I look at Hide, and he nods, panting. I smile under the mask, and start a rhythm. It quickly grows more sporadic and faster. Hide starts calling my name more and more often.

He falls over the edge faster than I do, screaming it.

I moan his name a few moments later, when it's my turn. I've spilled inside him before, so I do it now, too. We got tested together when we started this, and we're both clean.

I slow down and eventually stop, breathing hard. I pull out slowly, stickily, and put away my kagune. I lie down beside Hide, both of us sweating and covered in our own mess. I pull off my mask and toss it on the bedside table.

"That was incredible," Hide gasps.

"Yeah," I respond.

"I love you," Hide tells me, trying to slow his breathing.

"What if I got tattoos?" I ask, only half-kidding.

"I'd like that," Hide replies, still breathing hard.

I nod.

"Okay," I reply.

~+~+~+~+~

Eventually, we get up and shower, where round two ends up occurring. Suffice it to say that this time, Hide gets on his knees and I jerk him off. After we dry off, we kind of get dressed. I pull on clean underwear and a pair of jeans. Hide puts on clean briefs and a sniff-test passing pair of shorts.

He eats dinner while I wash our sheets. We stopped using my old bedroom a few months ago, so I take the sheets off of that bed and put them on ours. I also close the bedroom window and grab a red shirt. Just as Hide puts his dishes away, a knock sounds at the door. I cross the living room, expecting it to just be one of our friends, and I pull on the shirt just before I open the door.

"Hello? Is this the home of Ken Kaneki?" a CCG member asks.

"Yes, that's me. Is something wrong?" I ask.

"You are aware that the use of your kagune was forbidden by the department of ghoul affairs after your release," the agent asks.

He's holding a silver briefcase.

"Yes," I reply, feeling nervous because of the quinque.

Hide comes up behind me, still shirtless, and puts a hand on the small of my back.

"Kaneki saved a lot of people," he points out.

"I know that, which is why I'm going to let you off with just a warning Kaneki, when usually I would take you into custody for a trial," the CCG agent tells me. "Don't use it again."

I promise that I won't, and thank the agent. He says goodbye and leaves with one glance thrown over his shoulder at us.

"Well, at least he didn't come in a half an hour ago," Hide says after the door closes.

I laugh and toss the shirt he took off me earlier at him.


	8. Talk

When the two of us walk into a school festival committee meeting the next day, since the fair is over, our friends start teasing us for what they heard through the open window.

"We weren't that loud, were we?" I ask them.

"Are you joking? Half the campus heard you two," one guy claims. His name is Rito.

"’Oh! Kaneki! Oh my god, don't stop!’" a girl mimics, making Hide cover his face in blushing embarrassment.

"’Hide, oh, HIDE!’" a different guy teases.

"At least we're getting laid," I point out with a smirk.

"Damn it, Kaneki," Rito swears at me.

I laugh at him.

"Can we not talk about our friends' sex life? I'd like to start this meeting," another guy claims.

"What, getting a hard-on?" I joke.

"N-no, shut up!" he stammers, blushing.

"Whatever, let's start the meeting. Thanks for your help with the Ferris wheel incident, Kaneki," a girl says.

"No problem," I reply.

"Your kagune was really awesome. I expected it to be scarier, but it was kind of cool," a girl tells me.

I look over at Hide and smirk. He starts blushing and looks away.

"Thanks," I tell the girl. Her name is Kira.

"Don't tell me you two used his kagune while you -- you know," Rito asks, exasperated.

"Only last night," I respond casually.

Hide blushes even darker and subconsciously touches one of his wrists. I look at it and see that it's very lightly bruised. I frown, and take his arm to look at it better.

"Damn it, Hide, I hurt you," I mutter, inspecting the brownish ring of skin.

"Come on, Kaneki, I told you to," he whispers, pulling his wrist back and into his lap.

"Hide," I hiss.

"Hey, sorry, but in case you two forgot, we're in the middle of a meeting," a guy called Juzo says.

"He's right. If it bothers you, we can talk about it later," Hide murmurs.

"Fine," I respond, crossing my arms and slouching back a little in my seat, the leather of the chair creaking softly.

~+~+~+~+~

"Hide, you should have told me I was bruising you," I tell him when we get home, as I hang up my jacket.

"I didn't think it would be that big of a deal, I'm sorry," Hide replies. "Besides, I kind of liked it."

"You do know that my kagune doesn't have nerve endings? I was holding you down with purely estimated strength," I admit.

"You were?" Hide asks, surprised.

I nod.

"You did really well," Hide tells me.

I feel my cheeks warm up, but continue to stare down my boyfriend. He approaches me and puts his hands on my shoulders, firmly. He shakes me gently.

"You were perfect. I had the best time of my life last night," Hide claims.

"Really?" I ask suspiciously, searching his expression.

"Yes. Honestly, I don't think I can handle another go, tonight," Hide says.

I laugh, and then give Hide a kiss on the cheek.

A series of knocks sound on the door. Frowning, I walk over to open it. As I turn the knob, the door is abruptly kicked open, sending me flying into the couch. Definitely not human strength. Hide runs to my side as I sit up, taking his hand.

"Ah, my sweet Kaneki," Tsukiyama call, waving his hands elegantly as he speaks. "We meet again."

"Oh, it's you," I say with contempt as I stand up and step in front of Hide protectively.

"You don't sound very pleased to see me," Tsukiyama remarks with a concerned frown.

"I'm not," I tell him. "Why are you here?"

"I wanted another shot at my favorite meal," Tsukiyama claims. His gaze travels over to Hide. "Oh, but who's this morsel? He's human. Why haven't you eaten him?"

"Damn you, Tsukiyama, stay away from him," I growl, lowering into a fighting stance.

"Hm? Why? Is he special to you?”

"Get out," I order him.

"I'm not even allowed to stay for tea?" Tsukiyama inquires.

I glare at him harshly.

"Alright, as you wish. I'll be in touch," Tsukiyama says, waving over his shoulder as he walks back out.

"Who was that?" Hide questions as I close the door.

"Shuu Tsukiyama," I respond. "He tried to eat me a few times. It didn't work out for him, but I guess he's relentless."

"Do I want to know what you mean?" Hide questions.

I laugh.

"No, probably not. I'm going to go for a walk. If Tsukiyama comes back, give me a call and don't go with him anywhere. Even if he asks you to go out for coffee some time. I mean it, Hide. He'll try to trick you," I tell him.

"Okay. I'll make myself dinner, then," Hide says.

I smile at him, grab my jacket, and leave.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Next chapter coming next Thursday!


	9. Reconsideration

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Excuse me and my trash. I've been busy.

As I stroll down the sidewalk, my feet crunching over forming frost, I look up at the setting sun. The remaining light twinkles through the bare branches of trees. A light breeze makes them dance. I sigh contentedly, and continue striding across campus and through the 20th ward. Before long, I come to a tall building and walk down an alley behind it where I release my kagune and climb to the top.

I crouch on the edge of the roof, staring at the city below. I take in a deep breath of cool night air and settle back, sitting down with my feet dangling off the building. For the first time since my release from Cochlea, I let my mind wander.

I think back on the events that have unfolded since that fateful day in Anteiku, when I first met Rize.

I remember how I abandoned Hide, and tried to keep him safe by doing so. I remember the people and the ghouls I have killed, both willingly and unknowingly. I remember Jason, who turned me into the Eyepatch ghoul, a monster and one rightfully labelled. I recall the feeling of knowing what I had to do to grow strong enough to protect Anteiku, and failing even still. I may have saved Irimi and Enji. Touka, Hinami, Yomo, and Nishio may still be alive as well, but that doesn't make up for what else I did.

I gaze at the street so far down there, and wonder briefly what would happen if I were to throw myself down there from here. With my regenerative abilities, I'd probably survive.

I really am a monster.

I think about how Rize died, and remember the rumor that it wasn't just an accident. That she was intentionally killed. By who? Do they want me dead, too?

What would it take to kill me?

Like a lot of the notes and letters I've gotten have told me that it might be a public service to kill me. Then there wouldn't be any risk in my existence any longer. Hide and the others would be safe, for sure. And I would be gone, perhaps in a better place, where we're all monsters, and I won't be alone.

'I have Hide; I'm not alone,' a voice in the back of my head pipes up.

I sigh again and sit on the ledge.

 

"Why am I here?" I murmur to the wind.

'For Hide,' that voice tells me. 'For Touka, Hinami, Yomo, Nishio, Enji, Irimi, and everyone I’ve met at school.’

I breathe, and pull one knee to my chest. Suddenly, it feels like a very bad idea to be this close to the edge. I rise and step back, into the center of the roof. I'm alive, and I'll stay that way. Hide has told me that he'll be there for me no matter what. Does that mean he doesn't think of me as the monster I am? What if he does, but he's too afraid to leave me? What if he hates me, but he's terrified of what I'd do if he goes.

Doubtful. But it's worth asking him.

I climb down from the building carefully, with the help of my rinkaku.

When I land on the ground, a man wrestles a young woman into the alley just as my kagune dissipates.

"Help! Help me!" the woman screams, before the guy clamps a hand over her mouth.

"Don't listen to her, boy. Just run along, now. Go on," the guy instructs.

I stand my ground. He obviously can’t recognize me in the dark.

"I said get!" the guy hisses at me, spittle flying.

"No," I say firmly. "Let her go."

"Well, well, well. A little hero, huh? How about a trade. You'll let me take you, and I'll let her go," the guy suggests.

I narrow my eyes at him.

"Alright," I say.

"Good. She's got to stay here, though. I can't have her running off to tell the cops," the man states.

He starts reaching into a bag he has.

I stare at him, and then nod at the woman. She nods back, nervously. She covers one eye with her hand and points at me. I nod once more. The guy brandishes a roll of duct tape and then secures the woman to a gutter drain. He starts walking over to me, and I raise my chin in a "last stand" kind of stance.

I wonder if he'd be scared of me if I had a few tattoos or piercings.

He grins toothily, and starts fumbling with his belt in one hand while reaching for me with the other. Just as his fingers brush my arm, I hit him under the chin. He staggers back, then falls over unconscious. I untie the woman and instruct her to run. She agrees, rubbing her wrists where the duct tape was, and takes off.

I walk away after she disappears. 

~+~+~+~+~

When I get back to the apartment, Hide greets me with a kiss on the lips. I can smell ramen and taste it on his lips.

"So, how was your walk?" Hide asks me while I hang up my coat, giving me a hug from behind.

"It was nice. Hide… there's something I need to ask you, though," I admit, leaning back into his warm embrace.

"What is it?" he inquires, concerned.

"Are you afraid of me?"

He takes a moment before answering, resting his chin on my shoulder.

"Yes," Hide admits.

I nod; I expected as much.

"I know I'm a monster, and I'd understand if you want to leave me. There's nothing you can do to make me human again. I think this is as close as I'm going to get," I tell him.

Hide turns me around and looks into my eyes, worried.

"Did something happen, Kaneki? Did someone say something to you?" Hide asks me.

I shake my head.

"You're no more a monster than any of the rest of us," he tells me.

I smile at him weakly, and thank him before walking into our bedroom and standing by the window. I stare down at the street, and lose myself in my thoughts again. I can hear Hide cleaning up the kitchen in the other room. I don't know what to do with what he told me. I am a monster. If Hide is anything but human, he's an angel. A gorgeous angel. I smile at the mental image.

My reflection in the glass is pale, my hair white, and the material of my clothing dark. I watch myself as Hide's tan hands wrap around my torso from behind, and move up to hug me.

"I'm going to shower. Join me if you want to," Hide tells me softly, giving me a kiss on the cheek before he goes.

I reach a hand up to the place he kissed me, and notice my black fingernails. My smile fades, and I let my hand fall.

Monster.

No.

MONSTER.

NO!

My eye turns red. I grit my teeth and glare at it. A single tear falls from my human eye.

I close the blinds quickly and turn away from the window. I walk into the bathroom, and wipe away the steam on the mirror to brush my teeth as Hide takes his shower. Afterwards, I undress and climb into bed.

Hide joins me shortly afterwards, and he curls himself around me. I lean into his warm body, until I can feel his heart beating steadily, his breath as he inhales and exhales slowly.

I calm myself and fall asleep.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Is anyone even still reading this? Probably not. Well, I'll keep updating every week anyway. Until this piece of garbage is completely exposed to the world. Just five more chapters left.


	10. Depression

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> TW: panic attack, signs of depression

The next day, I find it difficult to focus in class. My mind keeps wandering back to that man in the street, back to my thoughts on the edge of the rooftop. I keep fiddling with my pencil and tapping my knee, barely remembering to take notes. I can feel Hide's observant eyes on me and know that he understands something is up with me.

Even at the café in the afternoon, I can tell he notices. He always notices. Touka and the others don't seem to have any idea though.

Sure enough, as Hide and I hang up our coats in the apartment at night, he starts to talk to me.

"Kaneki, what's wrong?" he asks.

"Nothing," I lie, giving him a fake smile.

"No, it's not nothing," Hide replies seriously.

My smile fades.

“You don’t need to worry about me,” I tell him.

"You're acting weirdly. What's been on your mind?" Hide questions. He’s ignoring my statement.

I stay quiet for a moment.

"Kaneki, I'm worried about you. I didn't ask in front of our friends because I didn't think you wanted them to know. But I deserve an answer, Kaneki, I deserve to know," Hide says.

I meet his gaze.

"Do you ever feel like no matter what happens, you just can't go back to the way things were?" I asks softly.

Hide looks at me intently.

"I've felt like that for a while, now. I miss being human, not having to eat people. I don't know what to do with myself these days. I have school, and I have you, thankfully. But there are times when I can see myself killing the people around me, when I wonder what would happen if -- whether intentionally or not -- I hurt someone. Hide, I just want to be human again," I admit.

"Kaneki," Hide calls. "I love you, okay? Sometimes, I wish you were still fully human too, but there's no changing the past. I'm going to stick with you forever, no matter what. I trust you to stick through this. I'll do what I can to help you, but I can only do so much. Understand?"

I nod, looking back at the floor. Hide grabs me by my shoulders and shakes me.

"Snap out of it, Kaneki!" he tells me.

I look up at him, startled.

"You're one tough idiot! You're going to have to come back to this life as best you can, and I can't even begin to understand how hard it is. Kaneki, you need to find things to do. Hey, why don't we sign up for that trip to America in our history class?" Hide suggests.

I stare at him. Then I start chuckling. I turn my gaze back towards the floor.

"Hide, you never change. I love you so much. Thank you for everything. How many spots will there be for the America trip, again?" I ask.

I look back up and meet Hide's concerned gaze, which transforms into an expression of joy.

"Woo-hoo! That was a yes! I'll talk to our professor tomorrow," Hide says.

I smile.

“We’ll have to ask the CCG too,” I tell him.

He nods excitedly.

The two of us undress and get ready for bed. We slip in next to each other. I lie awake on my back for awhile. Hide drapes an arm over me. I smirk and move it away. He just returns it, and so I kiss his knuckles, making him smile. He moves his hand to rest on the top of my head, on top of my white hair. I smile back at him again, and turn on my side towards him.

"Goodnight, Hide," I whisper.

He groans contentedly in response, as he closes his eyes again and falls back asleep. I follow suit quickly enough.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So, I think it might be time to move update to Fridays. We're nearing the end, folks. I'm so grateful to all of you who have been following this story! Honestly, I want to hug all of you. Comments make my day. Seriously.


	11. Flights

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A fluffy reprieve. There is definitely nothing angsty coming up in a few chapters. Nothing at all. *whistles innocently*

The morning of the trip is the first day of Spring break. Hide and I roll out of bed and brush our teeth. He dresses in jeans, a red and white t-shirt, a yellow jacket, and a red hat. He has a pair of red headphones around his neck. I decide to go with a milder version of my regular outfit, seeing as we're lucky enough I'm even being allowed on the plane. It wouldn't help me to wear my usual jet-black clothes. Instead, I throw on a pair of blue jeans, a dark blue long-sleeve shirt, with a thick black t-shirt over it.

Hide helps me clean up our room and make our bed. We complete our last minute packing, and head into the kitchen. We both eat breakfast, and leave. The group of students who are going are supposed to assemble in front of the cafeteria and get on a charter bus to the airport. We've cleared our trip with Touka, who remains our boss at :re.

A few students shift apprehensively as Hide and I approach, but that's nothing unusual. The professor greets us, and tells us we're waiting for a few more people. The bus is waiting, so we load our bags. Soon enough, the last few stragglers join us, and we all get on the bus. A CCG investigator joins us as well, to keep an eye on me. Some of the other students relax when he shows up.

At the airport, we recieve our tickets and make our way through security. The investigator stays around me, seeing as I am still an SS-rated ghoul. At the gate, our fellow students wander around a little. We eventually get to board, since our group is in the back of the plane. There are twenty of us total. The guard takes a flight attendant chair in the very back of the aircraft to keep an eye on me. A few curious glances wander my way, most of them turning away nervously when they see me. The tourists on their ways home watch the guard more than me, which I find a nice change.

The plane takes off. Our group is stopping once in Los Angeles airport before catching another plane to Washington D.C.

A flight attendant comes down the aisle with a snack and drinks cart. When she gets to the girl next to Hide, him, and me, she stops the cart, still smiling. She offers the three of us snacks. I ask if she has coffee. She tells me that she does, and hands me a cup. Obviously, she doesn't recognize me. I can get used to this.

The other students who lack knowledge of ghouls watch me sip the coffee, curiously. It's bad, but at least it's drinkable.

"Is it good?" Hide asks me through a mouthful of peanuts, after the flight attendant moves on.

"It's better than that terrible brown water you mistakenly call coffee," I taunt.

"Sorry, I didn't know it was that bad," Hide chuckles, smiling apologetically.

"Hide," I tell him seriously. "Your 'coffee' is the farthest thing from it I've ever tasted."

"I guess that's why Touka doesn't have me taking care of the customer's drinks at the shop," Hide says.

I smirk. I'm usually the one on coffee.

"It's all in the care of the beans," I state. "Even the best beans can taste awful if brewed carelessly, which you seem to excel at doing."

"Kaneki, if you don't mind, I thought regular food disgusts ghouls," the girl next to Hide asks.

"Most of it does, yeah. Coffee is the only thing we can enjoy the same way as humans," I explain.

I know I've just drawn the attention of the flight attendant, but I don't care all that much.

~+~+~+~+~

We land at Los Angeles in a few hours. The plane unloads. Our group double checks our next flight on the huge blue monitor, and head to the gate hurriedly. We don't have much of a layover.

A large family of Americans block our path about half of the way there. Frowning, I make my way to the front of our group, and start striding alongside our professor. I allow my boots to click on the floor a little too loudly, making the Mom turn her head with a startled expression. She grips the hand of the little girl next to her (presumably her daughter) a little tighter when she notices the investigator walking behind me.

The woman nudges her family to get out of our way. We stride past, and Hide jogs up to the front of the group to talk to me.

"Do you think all Americans are like that?" he asks me quietly, in Japanese.

"I don't know, but I sure do appreciate not being the only thing that people seem to notice around me," I respond, also in Japanese.

Hide laughs quietly, knowing that it's mostly true. All twenty of us get to the gate in time, and board as one of the last groups. Again, my guard sits down in a flight attendant seat near me. I'm starting to find him annoying.

A teenage girl is staring at me with wide eyes hidden behind thick glasses. Her hair is pretty boyish, but dyed a purpley-red. She's wearing a black leather jacket over a green shirt with a blue jellyfish on the front. I smile at her, making her blush lightly before she buries her nose back in a thick novel.

"She seems interesting," Hide remarks casually about her, in Japanese.

"Yeah. Maybe she'll come talk to us," I respond.

She startles, as if she can understand exactly what we're saying, and blushes harder before going back to reading.

About halfway through the flight, a different flight attendant comes by with snacks and drinks. Again, I just order a coffee. Once the flight attendant is gone, the girl stands up and nervously walks down the aisle towards us.

Hide and I share a curious glance before shifting our gaze back to her. In front of us, she bows awkwardly and greets us in Japanese. She tells us her name is Cris.

 

"Well, I'm Kaneki and this is Hide," I tell her.

"It's a pleasure to meet you," she says with a smile, holding her hand out to shake each of ours.

"Likewise," I respond.

"Kaneki, huh? I could swear I've heard your name before," she claims.

She thinks for a second, but lights up when the answer comes to her.

"That's right! Ken Kaneki, the Eyepatch ghoul. Scary, what he did, but I read that he got released with strict laws to follow. Do you know anything else about him? I'm really curious about ghouls, but I don't have much access to information. Since I live in that States and all," she rambles.

I laugh, some of my friends who are listening in doing the same.

She looks around anxiously, her jubilant grin fading slightly.

"I'm sorry, it's just that this Kaneki was the Eyepatch ghoul," Hide tells her.

Her smile returns, but this time it's much more fascinated.

"Really? Ooh, so they let you fly here? Your government is pretty forgiving," she asks.

I nod.

"I suppose so," I say.

"Well, thank you for your time, Mister Kaneki," she tells me. "I should be getting back to my seat. It was nice to meet you!"

She waves happily before bowing again and walking back to her seat.

"She seems nice," Hide tells me.

"Yeah," I agree.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> As always, thank you if you've been reading this, or if you recently joined! Please comment and let me know what you think. Next chapter coming soon.


	12. Hotel

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hello! I won't have internet access over the weekend, so you guys get this a day early! I hope you like it. Don't worry, the angst is still gone for now.

We finally land at Reagan Airport in Washington, D.C. and walk down to baggage claim to pick up our stuff. My guard leaves. The group gets split up into two separate shuttles to the hotel. We receive our room assignments, Hide and I sharing a room with two queen beds. Our classmates are all in the same arrangements, most of us with a friend. Hide and I instinctively decide to share one of the beds in our room. Our professor gives each student a room key to their own room.

"I have just a few rules," he tells us, standing in front of us in the lobby. "No partying, no drinking, no smoking, and for the sake of your classmates and the other hotel guests, no sex!"

Hide and I cover our mouths to avoid sniggering, causing some of our classmates' eyes to travel over to us.

"Curfew starts at 10 o'clock every night. We'll meet for breakfast at 9 in the morning. Be in the lobby by then. Goodnight," our professor tells us.

We split up and head to each of our rooms. Hide and I enter ours grinning. We shower, brush our teeth, and just put on boxers to go to bed.

"Goodnight," I murmur behind Hide's ear after turning out the lights.

"Mm, goodnight," he responds, curling his back into my chest.

I smile and tuck my nose into his hair. I put one of my arms under my head and the other I rest over Hide's waist. He interweaves our fingers and we fall asleep.

~+~+~+~+~

The morning comes, the two of us being rudely awakened by the blaring digital hotel clock. We slip out of bed and away from each others warmth. I roll my shoulder to bring my arm back to life, and get dressed. Hide pulls on fresh jeans, a blue t-shirt, and the same jacket as yesterday. We leave the bed unmade and head downstairs at 8:54 to meet the others.

"Ah, good morning Hide and Kaneki," our professor greets, holding a cup of orange juice and a bowl of cereal. "Continental breakfast today."

I raise an eyebrow at him quizzically, before making myself a cup of instant coffee and sitting down at a table. Hide joins me quickly enough with a plate piled high with food.

"Glad you ate before the trip, huh?" Hide asks me quietly.

I laugh and tell him I am.

He chuckles darkly.

"That wouldn't have gone over well with the hotel staff," he claims.

"No."

I take another sip of coffee.

Slowly, everyone filters in and starts getting breakfast. At 9:30 our professor stand up and clears his throat.

"Alright. Today, we are going to tour the national mall," he tells us. "Keep an eye out for Cherry trees; they were a gift from Japan in March of 1912."

We follow him out of our hotel and into the street. We catch a series of busses and Metro trains into the center of the city. We ride an enormous escalator back to the surface at the Smithsonian stop. Our group strolls down the grassy mall casually, examining some of the museums and taking plenty of pictures. We stop by the Washington Monument and grab sandwiches for lunch. Of course, I just get another coffee. As we sit near the monument, craning our necks to see the top of it from the ground, a girl walks by in a dress. She looks familiar.

That's when I recognize her as the girl from the plane, Chris. She's holding an expensive-looking camera and is kneeling on the ground. She points the camera almost straight up to get a shot from the base of the monument. She scans the surrounding area. Her face lights up when she sees Hide and I. We smile and wave. She waves back and strides over.

She holds out her hand to shake each of ours when she comes over.

"Hide and Kaneki, was it?" she asks.

"Yeah, and you were Chris, right?" Hide replies.

She nods.

"So are you here as a tourist too, then?" I ask.

She laughs before giving us her answer.

"Sort of. I used to live in D.C. but my family moved away after my Mum got back from her deployment in Afghanistan," Chris states.

"Oh. How old were you?" I question.

"Um… Ten? Yeah. We were here for a year," she tells us.

"Cool. Do you think there's any place we should visit while we're here?" I ask her.

"If you stop by Dupont Circle, you should stop by Dolcezza on Connecticut Avenue. It was always my favorite coffee and ice cream shop," she explains. "I do hope it's still there."

I nod and thank her.

She bows and says goodbye before leaving again.

"I wonder if we'll see her around more," I murmur.

"Oh, I hope you're not falling for her Kaneki," Hide laughs.

I laugh and nudge his shoulder.

"If you keep annoying me, I might," I tease.

"You wouldn't," Hide exclaims dramatically.

"You're starting to sound a little too much like Tsukiyama, now," I tell him, sipping my coffee.

"Oh no," Hide responds.

We both start laughing.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'mma write an epilogue too. As always, lemme know whatcha think of this chapter. Dolcezza is a real place and I love it. I admittedly haven't been there in a few years, but it's still there and they are amazing. Were. Whatever. Go if you get the chance. It's on Connecticut Ave., a few blocks from the circle.


	13. Nighttime

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Please enjoy. I decided to update a little earlier, this week.

Our professor tells us all that we've all got the afternoon to ourselves, but he'll knock on our hotel doors at 10 and we'd better answer. We have to take care of our own dinner, which isn't a problem for me, but Hide decides to grab a hamburger. He orders McDonalds and we seat ourselves outside. I've got a glass of water.

We walk around the city as the sun passes the horizon. We keep passing different types of people. It seems this city is full of all sorts of people you might not encounter in other places. Around eight, Hide and I head back to the hotel. We make it back a little past nine, and ride the elevator up to our floor. Once we get to our room, we turn on the TV, change into pajama pants, and await our professor's knock on the door. Sure enough, at 10:09, he knocks and I answer it in nothing but fleece pajama pants.

"Good, you're both back. I half expected you to be out partying at a bar or something," he admits.

I laugh.

"No, we're here. Goodnight, prof. See you tomorrow," I reply.

I close the door as he walks away to check on the next pair of students. Hide and I climb into bed, exhausted. We fall asleep quickly.

~+~+~+~+~

The next morning, we head downstairs at the same time and Hide eats with the others. We spend another day the same way as yesterday, but at the other end of the mall. We visit the Lincoln memorial today. In the early afternoon, we go check out the white house. It's a huge mansion with obvious security. Armed guards stand on the roof. We peer through the wrought iron black gate to see it across the lawn. A fountain is in the center of the lawn. A multitude of protesters are marching and chanting nearby, advocating for various things.

Our professor gives us all the afternoon to ourselves again, so Hide and I take the Metro red line to Dupont Circle. We walk down Connecticut Avenue, keeping an eye out for the shop Chris recommended. Finally, we see it, and slip inside.

It's simple, with a rustic/modern style. The coffee bar is separated from the Gelato section. I order a latte, Hide a cappuccino and a sandwich. After he finishes those, he gets some sorbet. We leave as the sun starts setting at 6:28, and decide to check out the area a little.

We ask a young woman to take a picture of us in front of the fountain. She obliges, and we thank her. After the darkness starts to settle, the city grows quieter, and less women are walking around. Hide and I continue walking around the park, talking, cracking jokes, and laughing. A middle-age white man saunters up to us and asks if we're interested in having a good time tonight. We decline, and he eventually leaves us alone with many insults in his wake.

My mind wanders back to the idea of getting a tattoo; I actually want one. Maybe a dragon on my forearm.

"Hide," I say.

"Yeah?"

"You really wouldn't disapprove of me getting a tattoo?" I ask tentatively.

"You're serious, huh?" he responds with a smile. "No, I wouldn't mind. If you want one, go for it. Just nothing inappropriate about me, okay?"

I laugh.

"No, I was thinking something more along the lines of a dragon," I admit.

"Oh, cool," Hide says.

I smile back at him.

"Do you think I should get it on this trip? I'm not sure anyone in Japan would give a ghoul a tattoo. They would probably worry the pain would set me off," I state.

"Yeah. Do it, if you want to, Kaneki," Hide encourages.

I keep smiling at him, and thank him.

"Tomorrow?" I ask.

"Sure! I'll come with you," Hide says.

"A souvenir," I comment, smiling.

Hide laughs and agrees.

We start making our way back to the hotel via the Metro. We relax in our room and await our professor's checking in on us; apparently the other pair of students who came as a couple are still out, so he's going to have to punish them tomorrow. As soon as our professor walks away, Hide closes the door, locks it, and turns to face me.

"If you're up for it, do you think we can break the third rule?" Hide questions.

"Absolutely," I respond with a smirk.

We start undressing and get into bed.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I had to have Hide try American fast food. I had to. Also, apparently I mis-numbered the chapters when I was writing so you get 15 chapters total and a possible epilogue. I hope you're looking forward to it.


	14. Rulebreakers

"Good morning, class," our professor greets at breakfast once everyone assembles. "It looks like Naoki and Misaki decided to come back! How wonderful is that? As punishment for breaking curfew, you two are going to be coming back to the hotel after our White House tour, and you won't be getting a free afternoon. The rest of you will."

Naoki, a boy with dark hair brushing his eyebrows, and his blonde girlfriend, Misaki, are crestfallen. They evidently had plans for this evening.

"Now! Let's go! Our tour starts at eleven!" our professor exclaims cheerfully.

~+~+~+~+~

The white house is clean, and organized. It has a distinct smell, which isn't exactly bad. The tour guide is a young man not much older than Hide and I, with shaggy brown hair. We tour the east wing, since the president and his family are at home. The ceilings are short, and our guide explains that this was because of the short heights of most in the time the mansion was built.

There are a lot more tidbits and facts we learn while we walk around. After our tour ends at 11:55, our professor releases us for lunch. He brings Naoki and Misaki to the hotel, and gives the rest of us the afternoon to ourselves like he promised.

Hide and I go find a tattoo parlor. I flip through one of the black binders on the counter and find a tattoo that almost perfectly matches what I want.

"Hey Hide, I found what I want," I say.

"Show it to me after you've got it, Kaneki," he tells me.

I nod, and take the binder up to the counter where a goth woman sits with lots of piercings.

"Hello," I greet.

"'Sup. Did you pick out what you want?" she asks.

"Yeah," I tell her.

"Tattoo or piercing?" she questions.

"Tattoo."

“Can I see your ID?” she asks.

I hand her a driver’s license. She nods and hands it back after checking my date of birth.

"The artist is going to charge you afterwards, but we charge per hour. Most tattoos are between $100 and $300 per hour here, depending on what it is and where you want it. Frank can give you a better estimate once you tell him what you want. Go on in," the woman states. She gestures to a door to the left of the counter.

I walk in, still holding the binder with my finger marking the page of the tattoo I want. A burly man with a black beard stands up from a stool when I enter, and he shakes my free hand.

"Good afternoon," he says. "I'm Franklin. I'll be giving you your tattoo. So, what is it you want?"

"Hi," I respond. "Nice to meet you. I'd like this dragon," I open the binder and point out the picture. "On my forearm."

"Yeah, alright. Shouldn't take long. Maybe an hour and a half? I'm going to say it'll be about $250. Does that sound alright, kid?" Franklin asks.

"Yeah, sounds perfect," I tell him. I have plenty of cash with me.

"Okay, take a seat. I'll get the ink ready."

I sit down in the black leather chair. I put my right arm up on the armrest, my pale forearm facing the ceiling.

"So where you from, kid?" Franklin asks, sitting in his stool next to me and rubbing a disinfectant wipe on my arm.

"Japan."

"Really? What's your name?"

"Kaneki."

"You're awfully pale, Kaneki. You sure about this?" Franklin inquires.

"Yeah."

"Say, what brought you to the states?"

"I'm here on a school trip, actually."

Franklin starts tattooing, and I feel a slightly painful itch as the needles pierce my skin.

"Alright. So, you got a special girl back home?"

Smiling, I answer him.

"Actually, he's out in the waiting room."

"Oh, I see. He's not pressuring you into doing this, is he?" Franklin whispers.

"No," I laugh.

"Good," Franklin laughs.

I wince from the pain of the tattoo.

"It hurts a little, huh?" Franklin asks.

I nod my head.

"Yeah, most do. I say it's worth it, though. They look pretty awesome when they're done."

I smile.

"I certainly hope so."

"Kaneki, you seem like a bright young man. What's with all the punk attire and the nail polish?" Franklin asks.

"Thank you. My nails and hair aren’t really a fashion statement, though," I admit.

He glances up at me for a second.

"What do you mean?"

"Do you know about the ghouls of Japan?" I ask.

"Yeah, anybody who doesn't must live under a rock. Why?"

"Well… I am one," I tell him quietly.

"What?!" Franklin hisses. He stops moving the needle. "You're not going to eat me, are you?"

"Of course not," I tell him.

"Okay, good," he breathes, resuming the art. "So, the hair and the nails come along with that?"

"In my case, yes," I say.

"Cool. So, why are you getting a dragon tattoo?" he questions.

"I thought it'd be cool. My boyfriend helped convince me that it’d be alright," I tell him. “Tattoos are kind of taboo in Japan, but if you’re gonna have people watching you constantly, you might as well make it worth it.”

Franklin nods once.

"How long are you going to be staying in Washington?"

"Two weeks. We've already been here for a few days," I state.

"Okay. You speak very good english," Franklin tells me.

"Thank you."

After another hour, the tattoo is finished. I examine the black ink surrounded by irritated skin. Franklin cleans up and instructs me on how to take care of the tattoo before it's done settling. I thank him, pay, and leave with Hide.

"So, can I see it?" Hide asks me as we leave the parlour.

I roll up my sleeve and expose the black, lined dragon. The scales are the coolest part, since a random few of them are done in silver.

"Wow," Hide murmurs. "He did a good job."

I nod happily.

We ride the Metro back, and repeat the cycle of the last couple of days. Our classmates and professor notice my tattoo, some of them commenting on it. They all seem to admire it, even if they don’t exactly like it. It healed in the first few hours, because of my insane healing rate.

On the morning of the thirteenth day, one girl cuts her finger accidentally at breakfast. Talking to Hide, I catch a whiff of her blood. I suddenly feel hunger turn my stomach. I stop in the middle of a sentence and my smile fades as I slowly glance towards her. Seeing the blood, I stand up suddenly and hurry out of the room, Hide rushing to catch up. Our professor notices, makes sure the girl is okay, and follows us at a distance. I stop around a corner, not aware of our professor listening from just out of view. I lean against the wall and breathe.

"Kaneki, what's wrong?" Hide asks me.

I look at him before replying.

"I ate the morning of the day we left, right?" I ask him.

"Yeah, what-? Oh no. The blood," Hide remarks.

I nod.

"I shouldn't have come on this trip. We both knew it was a bad idea for me. I'm not going to attack anyone, but I think we should stop by the CCG when we get back," I tell Hide.

"It wasn't a bad idea. It's been fun! Hey, you even got a tattoo. We knew the risks when we signed up, and that's why you ate. Kaneki, if you need to, take a bite out of me," Hide says.

"What?! No way!" I exclaim, aware that I'm drawing attention to myself. I lower my voice before continuing. "I'm fine, Hide, it's just that the smell made me a little hungry. I can make it back without harming anyone, I swear."

"Okay. Do you want some more coffee?" Hide asks.

"Yeah."

We turn the corner again and come face-to-face with our surprised professor.

"Kaneki, you haven't eaten this whole trip?" he whispers. I notice how a few classmates start to listen in.

"Of course not," I respond calmly.

"How often do you need to eat, anyway?" our professor asks.

"That depends. The packs the CCG provide for me last me a little more than two weeks," I explain.

"Alright. You know the consequences of attacking someone, right?"

I stare at my professor in the eye. I'm slightly taller than him.

"I won't hurt anyone. I swear," I tell him calmly.

He watches me worriedly. I make my way over to the breakfast table and make myself another cup of coffee. I know the others are trying - and many failing - not to watch me as I sit down again across from Hide and sigh.

"Man, this life sucks," I admit. "I wish I could just be human again."

Hide smiles sympathetically as I sip the coffee.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I hope you're all still enjoying this! I hope you all like the next chapter too *hehe*


	15. Return

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> More angst. I warned you, didn't I? By the way, this chapter has minimal editing, so I apologize.

The plane rides home are fine. I don't have to be accompanied by a guard this time. Getting me through customs is again tricky, but we manage. My tattoo still looks good, and I don't regret it in the slightest. Hide and I do go by the CCG on our way home to pick up a meal package for me.

We walk up to the counter where a bored-looking attendant sits. She doesn't even look up as I start to talk to her.

"Hello. I'm here to pick up my meal package a few days in advance," I tell her.

She grabs a form and a pen to start filling it out.

"Advanced meal," she mutters to herself, typing something in on her computer.

"Reason?" she asks me.

"I accidentally smelled blood on a trip and I started to get hungry," I state.

She writes it down.

"Did you attack anyone?" she asks.

"No."

"What're you ranked?"

"SS."

Finally, she looks up at me, and nearly drops her pen in surprise.

"Ken Kaneki, I'll bring your meal package right away," she exclaims, before she runs off.

I guess being me does have its perks sometimes.

She comes back hurriedly and hands me a slightly larger than normal brown paper package.

"Here you go," she says.

I pick it up gently and thank her. Hide and I leave as she scribbles some information into the form, and files it away.

Hide and I walk home.

"I'm going to go grocery shopping. Do you want to come?" Hide asks me.

"No thanks. Get plenty of coffee for me, though!" I respond.

"Sure thing."

He leaves. I take out a plate and eat. Turns out I was pretty hungry. After I'm done, I rinse off the plate and the utensils I used and put them in the dishwasher. Hide comes back just as I lick a spot of blood off the corner of my mouth.

"You ate. Good," he says, carrying some grocery bags.

He sets them on the dining table and I help him put the groceries away.

I go unpack our bags from the trip while Hide eats dinner. We take a shower together and fall into bed.

I stare at the ceiling afterwards, and slowly it fades to black.

~+~+~+~+~

I'm running fast, my breathing ragged. I'm shaking, my hands coated with blood. Not my blood - it's Hide's. I've killed him, because I was hungry. Now the CCG are after me, and Hide's dead. My face, my hands, my body is dripping with Hide's blood. It runs off my skin in rivulets. I'm alone. A hunter become the hunted. I never asked for this.

I turn down an alley, my bare feet slapping on the asphalt. Suddenly I'm standing atop that building. I run to the edge and throw myself off, hoping it'll end it all. But I hit the ground and scream in pain. I'm still alive. Why? I have no reason to live anymore. I'm shaking - no, being shaken. By CCG investigators. They're pulling me up, making me watch as Hide's mangled corpse is presented to me. He's dead… very dead… I did this. I scream again. The investigators are calling me a monster. Then one of them is familiar, and is calling my name instead. I sit up, the nightmare shattering, but the fear and the anguish cling to my waking mind desperately. I cradle my head in my hands and notice that I'm being held and rocked back and forth. I'm sobbing, too. Warm arms are wrapped around me. My head snaps up to see who's holding me. When it turns out to be Hide, I cling to him and start rambling about the nightmare.

"You- you were dead, Hide, I killed you! It was my fault, you were dead, you were dead! I tried to kill myself… I deserved to die. It didn't work, I lived, and it hurt, Hide, it hurt so much!" I cry into his chest.

"Hey, it's alright now, I'm right here. Nothing's happened, Kaneki. It was just a nightmare," Hide murmurs soothingly.

Slowly, my sobs peter off. I stop shaking and lean back. I wipe my eyes and stare down.

"I'm sorry," I say to him, covering my left eye, which shifted.

I didn't think the nightmares would come back. They've been fine since I got released. I haven't woken up screaming in a while. I usually just snap awake.

"You don't need to apologize, Kaneki. If you want some professional help, we can get it for you. I'm surprised you haven't had more nightmares," Hide responds, gently pulling my hand away from my eye.

"I'll be alright," I tell him. "I'm going to get a glass of water."

I stand up and leave our room, just wearing pajama pants. I enter the kitchen and pour myself a glass. I sip it slowly, and go stare out the living room window. I've turned the light on to see.

Hide comes up behind me, and starts to hug me. I wriggle away from his contact, and he stops.

"I just need some time to think, Hide. Please go back to bed," I plead.

He nods and walks back into our bedroom. I look back out the window, down at the street. The snow is all gone. Streetlamps illuminate the empty road. A man glances up at me for a second before disappearing into the shadows.

'I am a monster,' I think. 'But I have a reason to keep living. There's Hide, and Touka. Hinami. Nishio. Most of them could get by without me, though. Without Hide, I don't think I'd keep my sanity. Well, I won't. I was SS-rated for a reason. Hide is everything to me.'

I finish off the glass of water and put it in the dishwasher. I slip back into bed and lie down next to Hide. He's not asleep, but he doesn't try to talk to me. I appreciate that. I turn away from him and stare at the wall. I hear him sigh and turn away from me too.

"I'm always going to be here for you, Kaneki," Hide tells me.

I don't respond, and soon enough he falls back asleep. It takes me a while longer.

~+~+~+~+~

The next morning, we barely speak. Hide tries, but I make it clear that I don't want to talk about what happened last night. We have a festival committee meeting at lunch.

"Hey, did you guys hear that screaming last night?" one of our friends on the committee asks us when we walk in.

My smile fades and I look at the guy.

"It sounded like someone was really hurt," he claims.

"Really? I wonder what was going on," Hide asks, his tone curious but I catch the meaningful look he sends me.

I walk away after making eye contact with Hide.

"What's up with Kaneki?" I hear the guy ask.

"I don't know," Hide lies. He changes the subject.

The others seem to notice my unhappy silence, and the sudden gap between Hide and I. As the meeting closes, one of them decides to say something.

"Hey, Kaneki, are you okay?" she asks me.

I look up at her unsmiling.

"It's nothing," I lie.

"No, come on, we're worried. Something's up with you. You came back from the trip with that tattoo, which looks awesome, don't get me wrong, but you're upset. What's wrong?" a guy asks.

"Look, it's not a problem, okay?" I retort defensively.

Hide is giving me a look. I glare back.

"Kaneki, if you don't tell us what the hell is wrong with you, or at least give us a decent reason why you won't tell us, I'm telling them," Hide threatens.

My eyes widen in fear when I realize he means telling them that I was the one screaming.

"No!" I exclaim.

"Okay, I'm telling them," Hide replies. He turns to the others and starts to open his mouth.

"Fine!" I shout, standing and slamming my hands on the table.

I sit back down, uncomfortable under my friends' worried gazes.

"I know I shouldn't be so bothered by it, but sometimes the things people say really get to me," I claim. Of course, that's not all, but I should be able to slip by with it. At the very least, I can find out how much they've noticed.

There's only fifteen of us in the committee, and I'm friends with all of them. Except perhaps myself.

"What, the hate mail? I thought we stopped opening it," Hide remarks.

"Yeah, but you can't hear the whispers behind our backs. I'm not human any more, remember? I can hear pretty well, sometimes. They all want me dead. If not, they say I'm a danger and still need to be locked up. Who am I to disagree with them? After all, it’s not easy to ignore the voices and glares of almost everyone around you," I tell him bitterly.

"Kaneki-" Hide murmurs.

"There, I told you the worst of it, okay?" I snap. I'm leaning back in my chair.

"The worst of it?" a girl catches.

I grimace. I really shouldn't have said that.

"Kaneki, what else is wrong?" a guy asks.

"I don't want to talk about it," I grumble.

"Kaneki, say it or I'll tell them," Hide states.

I fix him with a deadly glare.

"Fine," I hiss venomously. "I'm not sane. They never should've let me out of Cochlea. I did the things I did to protect my friends, but I haven’t been the same since Jason. I should still be locked in a cage like the monster I am. I'm a danger to everyone around me. If I lose you, Hide, I'll go off the rails again and probably go back to Aogiri, since I can't seem to just die."

Everyone stares at me in stunned silence for a minute. I feel like a cornered animal. My nails become exceedingly interesting.

"I hate myself, I hate Rize, I hate that damn doctor, and I HATE Jason," I growl.

I scratch my ear, remembering the Chinese centipede.

"Kaneki, let's go home," Hide suggests softly.

I suddenly remember that night at Anteiku. My gaze snaps up to Hide, frightened as I try to fight down a panic attack. I remember the sound of his blood on the floor, the smell of the burning building, the weight of his body in my arms, and start to dissociate.

I snap out of it with my head in my hands, the number "979" on my lips. Counting down from 1,000 in increments of seven.

"Hide, please don't ever say those words again," I respond.

"What? Why not?" Hide question.

I fix him with a pained look.

"You don't remember… Before you… In Anteiku… You said that."

His eyes widen. He pulls me to my feet, and embraces me.

"I'm sorry. I forgot. I'm okay, now, though. We're both alive, right? The CCG brought me back." Hide laughs bitterly after saying so. "Thank goodness for blood transfusions."

"Yeah. I think we should go home," I respond, pulling away and leaving.

We get back to the apartment eventually, without even saying goodbye to our friends.

"It's all my fault - Anteiku, your injury, Nishio, what I am," I mutter, sitting down on our couch.

"No! No, Kaneki. It's not your fault. It's no one's fault. If you need blame, put what happened to Anteiku on the CCG. I chose to chase after you and get involved in the war; I basically injured myself. Nishio had to leave because of Aogiri and the CCG. And don't you dare blame yourself for being a ghoul. That's so far out of your control," Hide tells me, standing in front of me.

I look up at him, pain in my eyes.

"That nightmare - it wasn't the first. It might’ve been the only one that's made me scream since Cochlea, but I hate falling asleep, Hide. Plenty of nights, I watch someone I know die, and it's always my fault. It's only been getting worse. Last night it was you, and I just couldn't…" I say.

"Kaneki," Hide murmurs, hugging me. He sits down beside me.

"Why do you stay with me, Hide?" I ask quietly.

"Because I love you, Kaneki. Nothing's going to change that. I'll always be here for you, no matter what happens. I need you, Kaneki. I don't know what I'd do without you," Hide tells me.

'Now's the time,' I think.

We're still embracing, my tears falling on his shoulder.

I pull away slowly, and pull something out of my pocket. A small, black velvet box. I present it to Hide and crack it open, revealing two matching silver bands. His eyes widen.

"Hide, I know this is kind of poor timing with my little mental breakdown and everything, but if you’re serious, will you marry me then?" I ask.

"Yes," he breathes, happily meeting my gaze.

I laugh once, relieved. We lean forward into a kiss, and put on the ring that fits each of us.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This is the end, folks. The big finale. El fin. I hope you enjoyed the ride, and I encourage you to visit me on tumblr at nasa-boi or queenie-the-fangirl. There will be an epilogue to look forwards to, though.


	16. Epilogue

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> A half-chapter epilogue

There comes a knock at the door. Hide and I have been married for almost a year, now. It’s been about two years since I was released from Cochlea. I recognize the investigator on the threshold of our apartment.

“Hello,” Amon greets, one hand in his pocket and the other carrying a silver briefcase.

“Investigator Amon,” I reply, standing from the couch.

I step up behind Hide and put a hand on his shoulder. He stops glaring at Amon and steps aside to let him in.

“Please, come in,” I say.

Amon thanks us and walks inside. He takes off his shoes and sets down his quinque.

“Do you mind if I sit down?” he asks.

“Please,” I respond, gesturing to the living room.

Amon takes a seat on the couch. Hide joins him, sitting at the other end. I sit in the only armchair.

“So, is there something you would like to discuss?” I ask.

“Actually, yes,” Amon replies. “The CCG has decided to offer you a job, as a ghoul investigator.”

I stare at him in shock. Me? An investigator?

“Of course, you’ll be allowed to turn down any cases you wish, but who better to fight ghouls than a ghoul? Plenty CCG employees have their doubts about you, but I trust you. You told me once that you don’t want to be the monster that I thought you were. It’s been on my mind for a while, and I think now’s your chance to prove yourself,” Amon continues.

I lean forwards in the chair, clasping my hands and resting my forearms on my knees.

“What do I have to do?” I ask.

“The same thing that most investigators do; hunt down dangerous ghouls and ghoul organizations. If any case you are assigned is too personal, you can turn it down. Your partner will be myself, if you choose to join the CCG. Few others were… willing,” Amon states. “The chairman himself decided to offer you this job.”

That makes me chuckle.

“Alright. I’ll take it,” I tell him. “Thank you.”

Amon smiles at me.

“You’re welcome, Kaneki,” he responds.

“Hide, is it alright with you?” I inquire.

“If you really want to do it, do it. I guess we probably can’t keep living off my income forever anyway,” he says, smiling.

I smile back and stand. Amon stands as well and we shake hands.

“You’ll be starting on Monday of next week. There’s no dress code, but most investigators wear suits and a white trench coat. Come in at eight in the morning. You’ll be off at five in the afternoons. I’ll show you around and introduce you on Monday,” Amon states.

“Thank you,” I tell him.

He nods and puts his shoes back on. He picks up his quinque and waves at us before he leaves. Hide and I look at each other and smile.

“Well, I’ve got a job,” I state.

“Yeah!” Hide responds happily.

“What do you say we celebrate it?” I ask.

He grins mischievously and pulls me towards our room.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I hope you've all enjoyed the ride. Now this it the end. I hope you will all continue to love the series and treat your fellow fangirls, fanboys, and fanenbies with respect and kindness.


End file.
